Week 9

It is clear that some of us know how Fantasy Football is played, and some of us don't.  Most notably, Bear Down and MaT Ice are great examples of how to completely turn a team around mid season by picking up entirely new teams.  Fresh Prince also deserves accolades for cheating as the commish (even though it really isn't working out for him.)  The losers at having common sense, just hold on to hope that starting quarterbacks will somehow score 100 points a game.  Sorry Mayo and Broundon, won't happen, the rest of your team matters too.  Week 9 breakdown:

Fresh Prince of Helaire VS Huge Fuzzyballs

The Fresh Prince continued his ass pounding this week, looking like a trailer park tenant who can't afford the rent getting railed by the landlord.  It's sad to see the failure that this team has come to be, literally begging for mercy this week as he faces the Brutal Master.  No amount of groveling will help this owners poor soul as the Master will own you.  Oh, by the way, he lost this game too.

The Fuzzyballs must have trimmed those hangers this week for another victory giving him a pretty sure playoff berth.  When trying to reach this teams manager, Brutal Writer was discouraged to find him in a small barn fucking a chicken as opposed to celebrating.  Blinding himself while looking into the sun directly, again, he was surprised at the outcome.  Could it be that this team is better than we thought?  Doubtful.

North Idaho Lone Wolf VS Bear Down

Looks like the grandpa of the league finally forgot his oxygen tank for the last time while getting ready to hit the Cracker Barrel for din-din.  I don't see the recovery for this team.  If he makes it to next year, there is another chance.  He should probably just find some enjoyment screaming about how he still hates the dirty Japs for Pearl Harbor.

Bear Down enjoys the second longest winning in the league, but it must kind of suck to be sloppy second after Brutal Master (W7).  At some point somebody is going to wake up during the date raping, however, and Bear Down will get what's coming.  Roofies work most of the time, but will land these guys in jail sooner or later, taking it in the butt from some guy named Tyrone.

Team Mayo DeMaio VS Numero Uno St John

Give it up to Mayo DeMaio for scoring over one hundred points this week.  Unfortunately, it comes at the shame of winning a game against a squad of one legged pigeons.  This owner looked like a gleeful 5 year old biting his fart bubbles in the bathtub after this win, not realizing that we all know the truth about his erectile disfunction problems.  It's a shame his mom is going to show his baby pictures to his prom date when he grows up.

There's not much good to say about our abnormal hick town freaks this week.  The Uno's didn't disappoint to disappoint again.  If these guys ever get it together, they might not continue to get pegged by toothless fat chicks every week.  At least they could try getting the reach around if they are nice and beg for it.

Team Broundon VS MaT Ice

Broundon puts the Broun in Broun-eye one more time.  In all my years of writing, I have never run out of terrible things to say about one team.  Perhaps, that this squad is an ass boil on an overworked trucker.  Maybe, the owner is so bad that they won't let him into a downtown half-priced champagne room in Detroit.  I don't know.  This team sucks so bad I'm at a loss for words...

MaT Ice must have blown the Devil himself to get where they are today.  By where they are, I mean at the top of a heap of whale shit.  It's nice to be a winner even if you got there by having a lucky day at the slot machine.  Beware MaT, a lurker is watching your machine, if you step away to take a leak this week, the jackpot will be gone.

Team Riggs VS Hotrodda rodda 

Getting your dreams crushed by a 6th grader that beat you at the school spelling bee must feel rotten.  The odd coaching arrangement made by this team is rearing it's ugly head, and continues to baffle this writer as the decisions seems to be made by the dumber of the two coaches.  Man to man, let your wife set this weeks lineup, at the very least, she might not sit Teddy Bridgewater.

Hotrodda rodda, might make a run for it if he gets luckier than a Somalian kid getting adopted by Angelina Jolie.  This owner finally figured out how to win this week, but it wasn't by being smart.  Simply put, continuing to try to lose might be this teams best bet to make the playoffs.

Whiskey Drinkers VS Brutal Master 

The Drinkers came stumbling into the wrong bar this week.  What a sad bunch this team looked like as Brutal Master slapped them around like a red-headed stepchild.  Confidence will only carry you as far as the foot of the Master, where only groveling will get you over the hundred point mark.  Try again in the playoffs you drunk felons, you'll look like a plastered loggers wife after his team loses the Stanley Cup.

Brutal Master showed his superiority again in this throttling of a basset hound that won't stop whining.  There seems to be no stopping of this Adonis of an owner as he steps on his adversaries week after week.  When asked for comment, the owner proclaimed:

  "Hoisting the trophy at seasons end will only be bitter sweet as my opponents are weak." 

-Brutal Writer