Season Wrap-up

 I couldn't find it in me this week to write a breakdown of this weeks games since the season had wrapped up as of Tuesday, but it occurred to me that a summary of each teams performance might be useful to those who could be invited to play in next years FFL.  Here is a brief summary of each teams season starting from the zero to the hero.  Ranking is based on Final Standing Projections.  I hope you enjoy it.

12) Team Broundon (I Got TheGaryOnLock)

There are absolutely no redeeming qualities that can be pinpointed about this shit-show.  The Broundons started off with what looked like a high school football team who forgot their cleats for an away game, and ended up looking like the cheerleading squad finished the match for them.  The owner for this team should feel ashamed that he was even considered for a serious league as he showed absolutely no skill whatsoever from the draft all the way into the final matchup.  I would say that he should do some reading in the off season about how the game is played, but I'm not sure he knows how to read.

11) North Idaho Lonewolf

Well, we all rooted for ole gramps at the church bingo game, but it turns out B12 isn't just a vitamin, and we had to tuck him in for night-nights this year.  Plagued by injuries the geriatric fella looked like John MacClane at the end of the long winters night he lived through.  I have to give him respect though, he made it through the two Great Wars and there's something in that alone.  Look for a complete rebuilt next year from this guy, he just realized Terry Bradshaw doesn't play anymore.

10) Team Mayo DeMayo

This team taught us all something about how things are done in Connecticut.  Apparently, that God-forsaken state is full of a bunch of whiny ass pussies who pretend they don't care when they lose, and do care when they might come close.  This team is clearly not from our region as proven by the fact that none of the other owners have vaginas.  They did make it interesting when every so often some luck got thrown their way.  They looked like France during WWII though, bending over and taking it in the rear so they wouldn't get punched.

9) Fresh Prince of Helaire (Or whatever is is this week)

    "I could have been somebody!" screamed this team owner as he was being fiercely pegged by his fiance

    "Maybe next year you should try not cheating to get into the playoffs and you might do better, now put your face back in the pillow so your moms don't hear you crying" she replied

All kidding aside, close doesn't count in this league and all season long this team did only that, come close.

8) Team Riggs

They should have been named Team I Just Do What My Wife Tells Me, but it was too long to fit in the title box.  The "Rigsy's" as they have been nicknamed this season had a mediocre showing at best, but not from lack of trying.  There seemed to be some real effort there.  I'd certainly say that some of the starting choices this team made prior to game day just turned out to be dumb-unlucky, but others say it was just dumb. (fact checked)

7) Whiskey Drinkers 

What do you say about a team that finished under 500 but still makes the playoffs?  There isn't a lot.  The fact that this team is celebrating in the post season reminds me of the video of the mentally disabled kid that they let score the touchdown to make him feel good, but never actually put the points on the scoreboard because nobody actually tried to tackle him.  Man that retard was excited when he crossed into the endzone!  It makes me laaaaaaaaugh!

6) Numero Uno St John 

It's sad to realize that the only true victory in this teams life will be to pay a grand to anyone who can take out the clear champion.  Known as the Sean Payton of the FFL, this outsider talked a good game all season, but never showed up to anyone face to face to take any heat.  At least they ended up with a respectable record (which is more than I can say for the entire East Division (seen above).

5) Huge Fuzzyballs 

By the time this owner realizes that the regular season is over, he'll also realize there is a newsletter.  I can pretty much say anything here since he doesn't read it anyway.  This is from a coach who might as well have auto drafted his entire life.  Letting me know he doesn't have time to stay up with his team because he was searching for midget hookers just in case his wife leaves him.  No priority here to play a winners game.

4) MaT Ice 

What a heartbreaker it turned out to be for this squad.  The owner experienced more ups and downs than a 4 year old being passed around during a custody battle.  I can say this, he didn't go down without a fight, looking like Andy Dufresne before the first rape scene.  Beat up and battered, I do pick this team to win the consolation bracket, too bad for him though, it'll be tough to cry himself to sleep every night during the off season.

3) Hotrodda rodda

It's a good thing this team is not likely to win the championship, since no-one can figure out who's name might be put on the trophy.  It could be the named owner, or the secret man behind the curtain who actually makes the decisions for this team.  Putting together a hero's run, we should give some credit where credit is due, technically it isn't against the rules to split the winnings with a paid consultant.

2) Bear Down 

The name of this team is fitting since when the going got tough this team got going.  If anyone ever underestimated this owner, they forgot that his girlfriend is 20 years younger than him, and he's certainly not a looker.  It's got to be a nailbiter for these guys though as they have more ups and downs than most coked up 20 year olds dropping out of college.  They could land second place money if a few of the good games get strung together.

1) Brutal Master 

The epitome of a coach, it shouldn't come as any surprise that this team ended up breezing through the season with pure domination.  With the GOAT word floating around I can't imagine anyone has any hopes for anything but second place this season, but just like little league, aren't we all winners just for trying?  Not really, Brutal Master owns you...

-Brutal Writer